Dragon's Wrath

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16 Comments

Reply Topken
5:22 PM on February 24, 2010 
hmm considering im going by some dnd rules sence thats the style im use to working in sence im always the dungeon master. meaning of course my prices are going to be a bit weird to those that have never played considering they have multiple coins ranging from copper up to platinum with copper being the lowest. the price of weapons would suprised you in dnd the basic stuff is all around aq few gold coins which is 2 grades higher then copper. its copper then silver then gold then platinum. and it takes so much of the previous to make the next
Reply wow
7:02 AM on December 6, 2008 
Wow! How old are you? It's obvious you want to write...but 9 pages in part 1? And I still have no idea what the heck the story is about. Sounds like you were creating a character for a video game or something... Talking about how tall and what they weigh? Plus...a dagger costing 4 gold? What is this..a rip off of a Diablo game?
You really need to pay more attention in English class...unless, of course, this is not your native language. If not...then I apologize. But....before you start posting things, be sure that you actually wrote a story and not just a bunch of descriptions lumped together on a page..
Also...just placing a story on the web does not constitute a copyright. This whole thing in the beginning saying you will sue someone for all they're worth...really makes you sound childish. If you are a child...many apologies...but, then again, as a child, I was writing stories way more coherent than this....and I certainly never planned on being a writer.
Obviously you read a lot of books...that's pretty much how fantasy writers start out...by reading. Well...read some more,kiddo! It's not sinking in yet! While your story is better than a hot poker in the eye...it isn't better by much!
Good luck...and keep on working at it. At least this is keeping you off the streets..
Reply Topken
4:56 PM on September 8, 2006 
heres a suprise i started to rewrite the begging and i think im onto somethig this time. heres a luittle bit of what i wrote Standing in a cold torchlit hallway of the palace of order stands a dragon. yet he isnt an aordianary dragon he belongs to the odlest clan upon the land. this clan of dragons was around before when magic was almost impossible to control yet they were the most powerful magic-users and they had no problem controling the flow of magic around and through them. that power annd control has been passed down throught he generations in some form and the dragon stanidng here is no exception to that statement and he is the most powerful of magic users yet of the clan and he doesnt know it now.
Reply Topken
3:34 PM on September 7, 2006 
Ok im going to take some time off of here for a bit and do some work on my writing style
Reply Topken <[email protected]>
2:57 AM on August 2, 2006 
its sopose to be 6'7 tall, miniature dragon i know lol its still in the fiurst draft stage. i need a lot more time with the novel i know. as you guys can see i changed email address the above mentioned is my new one hope to get some ocomments about this thru there lol.
Reply Somniloquy
7:21 PM on June 18, 2006 
Hm, well, it's a good concept, I'll give you that. However...there is alot of spelling and grammar deals. The story is kinda choppy, kinda rushed, and there are alot of parts that just seem quasi-cliche.

Take some time and really think about what you're dealing with. if you really want to make a novel out of this, you're gonna need to to more describing, more detail, and take things slower.

Also, tall miniature dragon...I'm still trying to figure that one out. :blink:

Good luck, bud, keep working at it.

~Nilo
Reply Topken <[email protected]>
9:05 PM on May 3, 2006 
for each person who clicks on this i gain some stuff in game so start clicking please. http://www.gindis.com/modules.php?name=Account&file=index&op=game
&userid=MjIyMDgy
Reply Topken
12:16 PM on January 18, 2006 
its been a while sence i have updated the site and i have read those already. plus i have changed the begging so many times its nuts. These are just ruff drafts im putting up here so that it makes you wanna pick up the finished copy. i have done some editing myself and plan to do a lot more as the novel progresses. i have started to asdd detail the first time around now. i wrote this part like 3-4 years ago as a history to a character. sence then it has completelyu transformed into what i have today. and thanks for the criticism it helps a lot lord a. hope to see you baack in the chat soon.
Reply Lord Aerthos Pendragon <[email protected]>
8:17 PM on January 17, 2006 
You certainly have the desire for writing, Topken. And that is a wonderful place to start. Here is some constructive criticism I shall offer you.

First off, go through your writing and check the grammar. It's a bit sketchy, but that's where a good editor can help you out. Still, if you can fix a lot of this yourself, it makes life a lot easier for your editor.

Secondly, reading through Part 1 as it is right now feels like I'm reading a screenplay. Which isn't bad--if you're writing a screenplay. With a novel, especially a fantasy novel, you need to take the time to explain everything to your readers. You are the artist painting the scene for your readers as they read. You don't need to get into the details of an endtable, but details help bring your world to life.

If you haven't read The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein or The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, I would suggest reading those to get an idea of what I'm talking about.
Reply Topken
4:41 PM on October 19, 2005 
Come on people dont skip out on here i need comments and complaints here. so i know what do do and what to change.